Here’s Why We Need To Learn The Art of Shutting Up

It is the most difficult thing to do, isn’t it? We all have been in a position where we know our advice is going to go right out the window but we can’t help but share it.

Yes, its because we care. No, they are not always required.

Keep silence for the most part, and speak only when you must, and then briefly.

– Epictetus

Let me tell you why your bits of advice do not see the expected course of action. Also, the reasons why being silent can completely change people’s perspective about you.

Let’s start with Giving Advises

1.) Not everyone needs your advice.

It is a human tendency to think that you know more than the person standing in front of you. What people do not understand is that most of them are quite smart. Smart enough to know right from wrong. To know what the next best step could be. 

Just because they are sharing the problem with you, you tend to think it is because they need a piece of advice from your vast knowledge and experiences.

Guess what? Most likely it’s not the case. And you would only be a fool to tell them what to do.

2.) Some learn only from their experience.

When you share your advice with someone, it is not easy for everyone to understand it from your perspective. How advice mostly works depends upon the person listening to it. So know the people you are giving advise to.

Some learn only from their own experience. And you know what? It’s not a bad thing. 

You are not doing them any favor by protecting them from having that experience. Yes, it may save them from a temporary failure. But what would happen when they find themselves in the same situation all over again?

One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.

– James Russell Lowell

If you experienced it and still lived to see the next day then chances are, they will too. Trust in them and let them follow through. You never know, they might find a way to overcome the failure better than you did. If not, do let them know you are always around to support them.

3.) Same experience, different lesson.

There are some people who see a great deal and some who see very little in the same things.

– T H Huxley

With the same experience, you can’t say for a fact that two people will learn the exact same lesson. It’s never the case unless it comes with an instruction manual & with the moral of the story mentioned in the end. It mostly depends on the mental capacity, the gravity of the situation, individual perspective and other life experiences. It’s what you see.

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

– Henry David Thoreau

No experience can lead to an obvious lesson. So learn your lesson and respect others enough to let them learn theirs.

4.)  Sometimes there is no best advice.

Some situations in life are just like a tunnel that needs to be crossed so you can reach the other side. In such cases, the only thing to do for someone is to walk along.

You do not have to come up with something smart or witty. At times like these, just a “This too shall pass” would suffice.

Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.

– Muhammad Ali

5.) Some people never learn. At Least not the first time.

Many receive advice, only wise profit from it.

– Harper Lee

Repetition can be a good thing. Ramona Pierson once said, “A former teacher, who happened to have Alzheimer’s took on the task of teaching me how to write. The redundancy was good for me.” 

Repeating is sometimes one of the best ways of learning. And why not? when you have one whole lifetime to learn it.

6.) Sometimes ‘To Be Heard’ is all they need.

Advises are quite easy to be given and there are too many relatable ones out there for every situation. If you could recognize it, most likely, others can too. 

Sometimes we just need to be heard. There are times in life when being heard leads to being healed.

– Steve Maraboli

If this is not so, why do people still bother sharing their problems with the people they love! And no, it is not for the advice. It’s for the feeling of ‘being heard‘. To know that there are people in their life who are willing to listen and to let them know that they indeed matter. So, validate them and you will have contributed more than you think. 

Silence may be golden, but can you think of a better way to entertain someone than to listen to him?

– Brigham Young

Makes sense, doesn’t it?

7.) Experience is the best teacher. If you don’t have it, you don’t understand it.

That’s right, there is no other teacher like experience. And if you don’t have it, there is a high chance that you don’t understand it. So it’s always better not to pretend as you do. 

Best chance, they might figure out the situation on their own. Maybe when they do, they could share their experience and advice you later in life when it’s your turn to learn it.

8.) You could be wrong too!!

Remember when I said, the same experience can end up teaching two completely different lesson. So just because you had the same experience, doesn’t mean that you know how to handle it. You could very well be wrong. You are only human.

It’s very important to understand that your piece of advice is like your suggestion, not a solution. You can only convey your advice and be smart enough to know that the recipient still has every right to choose a different path.

9.) For some, the proof is better than words.

Some people don’t work with the word of mouth. And can you blame them? Nowadays words are swirled around like wind during a tornado. It is difficult to filter the right one and at such times, it is wise to choose not to rely on just words. 

So they might not value your words without first asking for proof. And if you don’t have one, don’t mention it.

In Regard to Personal Behavior

10.) Work with silence.

He who does not understand your silence, will probably not understand your words.

– Elbert Hubbard

For people who know you well enough, silence can be very loud. If they care enough to listen, that’s all you would need. Else, it wouldn’t make any difference even if you try to put words in it. 

And for the rest of them, I would let Mandy Hale take over – 

Don’t waste words on people deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.

– Mandy Hale

11.) Silence can never be misquoted.

It can be misinterpreted but can never be misquoted. Think about it. If you haven’t said it, it can never be used against you.

But this is not an encouragement to not speak up. If you genuinely think that your words can help someone in need then you should without a doubt use them.

You should also be strong enough to raise your voice against what you believe is wrong. The quote “Silence is golden” cannot be an excuse to remain silent against iniquity.

12.) Better to not look like a fool.

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:28

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

– Abraham Lincoln

People have the habit of not filtering their words when they are in the flow. They say whatever comes to their mind out loud. Giving a second thought to your words is not just a wise thing to do but also a kind one.

13.) Words once spoken can never be taken back.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

– Ambrose Bierce

Believe me when I tell you, many have lost good relationships due to this. A tongue has no bones but it is strong enough to break even a strong heart.

Never say anything you can’t ever take back. The moment may pass, the feelings may change but the words will remain.

14.) You learn more about others.

Do you want to know more about someone? Lay back and listen to their words. 

We all know everyone likes to talk. When you listen in silence, the more they will be willing to share and the less guarded they will be. 

15.)  Your words will be valued.

Think about it. Whom would you listen to? The one who has an opinion on everything or the one who speaks only when it matters.

If you are someone with many words, people would not seek you out for opinions. They know you would definitely have one and you would not be shy to share it on your own.

But if you are someone of fewer words then your words would certainly carry more weight.  

Its the same with silence. If you are the silent one and you don’t just give away opinions as often as others, whenever you do end up doing so, it is much more valued. People would rely on them more.

This also gives them the impression that you have been listening to them keenly and would have a better understanding of the situation they are in.

It is also a trait of a great leader.

Best leaders are the ones who learn to be the last one to speak.

– Simon Sinek

Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed the same and do leave your comments and I’ll add it in!